Does this red reflection on the floor make me look Photoshopped?

Ferrari debuted their FF model this week in Geneva. Top Speed has tons of pics, as well as video of this 4-seat, 4WD, 651 bhp beast. Finally, I can buy a car that seats my family and stows our luggage for trips to South Hampton without embarrassing my wife and kids. Now I guess I just need to get a job.

According to the Times,  “the brake body style…in strictest terms is a coupe with a squared-off back.” That slick vehicle pictured above doesn’t look like it started from a  coupe, unless you buy into the Daimler marketing-speak that refers to the base  CLS as a 4 door coupe.

As for the second question, it depends on which side of the English Channel you reside. In England it’s “Brake”, in France it’s “Break”. I’m guessing in the US it’ll be offered in gray, while in the UK it’ll be grey.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday I had the please to read Chuck Closterman’s “Eating the Dinosaur“. In it he talks of how, as a culture, we’ve come to accept the lies that the advertising media presents us, and the fact that we don’t take things literally. The media business knows this, and presents products to us with the knowledge that we don’t take them seriously. Advertisers moved from presenting their clients products factually to evoking an impression to the subconscious of how a consumer will feel when they buy their product. We’re at a point now where we know it’s all lies, so advertisers can just present any hyperbolic scenario and know that we won’t think they’re presenting truth; it’s just stuff that looks cool blowing up! Therefore, we get a 264hp V6 station wagon being compared to a rocket burning hundreds of gallons of fuel each second to achieve earth orbit.

BONUS: The first few seconds of this Cadillac ad show a woman grinning as she drives a new SRX. I was pleasantly surprised to recognize Paula Merritt, a woman I knew briefly a couple years ago through a friend in Brooklyn. She used to play drums for Grandma’s Boy (now Bad Girlfriend) before moving to LA to further her modeling career. Looks like she’s doing well. Way to go Paula!

The BS really flies when you hear what the designers think of their achievement.
It’s “totally new” and “a blue sky opportunity” for the designers to begin with a clean sheet of paper. I guess they missed the 2009 BMX X6.  They believe they’ve created the most unique car in the history of the world:

It is the “epitome of advance (sic)”:

I’m sorry, but from these videos am I really expected to believe that these young auto designers started with nothing, that they were given permission to design whatever they could dream up, instead of having a focus-group-think directive handed to them from above with the ridiculous demand to create a four-door coupe that’s kinda like an SUV?

Wired’s Keith Barry reports from the ZDX launch at the NY Auto Show last April:

Jeff Conrad, Acura’s VP of sales… told the crowd that the ZDX “takes the best attributes of a stylish coupe, a versatile sedan and a flexible SUV – and successfully blends them into a head-turning vehicle for active and adventurous individuals to explore their passions.” That also means it’s got the cargo space of a stylish coupe with the agility, fuel economy and visibility of an SUV. We imagine the “head turning” refers to what ZDX drivers will be doing when they attempt to parallel park — despite the on-board cameras and blind-spot detectors. Like nonalcoholic beer or Van Halen unplugged, the ZDX has the potential to be the worst of both worlds.

Looking at this image from the Acura site, I’m reminded of the danger that come when designers choose aesthetics over real world experience:

I’m sure they don’t expect buyers to purchase this nested set  of suitcases. But they sure look cool, don’t they? Why consider that people may need a hatch-back trunk that’s uniform in height, when that would ruin the coupe look… of your sedan… SUV… thing.

Too many designers become so enamored of their own artistry that they forget that actual people use the things they create on a daily basis. I’ve seen it happen many times in my life as an interactive designer. The simple, practical design is overlooked for the unique and cutting-edge. While style should always look ahead in new directions, it fails when it becomes so enamored of itself that it loses touch with the experience of the end user.

They want so bad to have the utility of a boxy rear, without making the rear boxy. But sometimes you need gotta embrace the box, instead of trying to break out of it.

Honda is developing the Accord “Crosstour” pictured above, and decided to post some teaser images onto Facebook. Mistake. The page got mobbed by station wagon lovers, and others who are tired of rounded-rear “Cross” badged vehicles. Comments were scathing, and many posted images of what they wished it had been, like the 80′s wagon above, or what they thought it was trying to be, like the Pontiac Aztek.  It was enough to make Honda defend itself for not offering a real wagon:

It’s not the European wagon: We’ve seen a lot of comments about the desire for a wagon, but this is neither a wagon nor designed for wagon buyers. We think the Euro wagon is a cool vehicle, too, and we appreciate the feedback… but a version of that wasn’t our intention here. That’s another segment worthy of our consideration, but the Accord Crosstour, built on the larger, Accord platform, is meant to give you the best of two worlds – the versatility of an SUV with the sportiness of a car.

With a sloped rear like that, you’ll have a hard time calling it versatile. Can I fit all my families bikes in there without folding down the rear seat?

After the jump, a collection of choice words from FB users.

CROSSTOUR: For the Malformed, Cross-Eyed, and Stay-at-Home Mom!

Complete letdown. I have have been a Honda driver for the past 20 years. My wife need a wagon and have been waiting on the Crosstour. Needless to say that the hatchback design has forced us to look at the competition for our needs.

The Honda Aztek. This thing looks biblicaly awful.

When did they start building AMC Eagles again?

over hangs are wayyyyyyy to long … whats the point of slopped hatchbacks? i mean you can’t fit anything boxy (please note most things come in boxes)is a car thats shaped like a potato. sorry potatoes are boxier.

sry. but i think i’ll stick with my 91 corolla station wagon. it is at least properly versatile.

SRy honda that i have to do this to ya but you no longer have CRX or Desol or S2000 or Prelude or Accord S-Wagon or the amazing Tall funny looking (in a goodway) Civic wagon.

Looks like an egg from that angle.

Will somebody from Honda please explain how this is a different market than just making a darn Accord Wagon??

Your research department must be TERRIBLY underfunded, or unmotivated. This thing is a bust. Kill it while you can.

Oh no! More photos!? I didn’t hear anybody asking for more pics of this whale! I’m sorry, but that fascia just screams “look I have obnoxious Aztek style but all I can afford is this lousy poser of an on-roader” and the rear en…d screams “look my car has a fat ass that could have been much nicer had it been an accord wagon!” All we wanted was a wagon!!! Who was asking for a whale?????

Haven’t you always wanted a vehicle with the puffy rear end of an Elantra GT on steroids, the obesely blunt nose of a Pontiac Aztek with an obnoxious Ford grille, and the size and personality of a gas-guzzling SUV with 0% of the coolness and off…road capability? If you like ugly jet-puffed butts, want soccer-mom popularity, and crave bucket-of-vomit style sense, the Crosstour is for you!

Is this the new Buick?

Looks like a dog is taking a dump…Venza’s styling has much more coherence…and dignity.

New pictures prove to be more horrible than the first.

it does kinda look like it pooped its diaper, haha

More coverage on Jalopnik.

More comments on Left Lane News.

Great analysis on the role of Facebook in this fiasco from The Truth About Cars.