The Big Money Doesn’t Know Clunkers

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Slate’s finance site “The Big Money” launched in fall of 2008, while I was working at Condé Nast’s competing finance site Portfolio.com. Just because I got laid off in a round of firings at Halloween doesn’t mean I harbor any ill-will towards “The Big Money”. Two separate sites with two different agendas. OK.

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, WTF is up with “The Big Money”?! They’ve posted a photo album of cars they claim will be junked in C4C. Both the intro and first slide feature a Volvo 240. Sorry, but our precious bricks get better than 18MPG and aren’t eligible for C4C. While Matt DeBord’s copy is cute, it’s obvious he didn’t do his research. They had to pull the BMW 325, diesel Mercedes and Mazda Miata (!) slides after a commenter pointed out they have better fuel economy than the program calls for.

Matt, please visit cars.gov. It’s a horrible site, I know, but somewhere beneath the UI you’ll find eligibility requirements and a list of vehicles.  Dry the tears from your eyes, stand up and rejoice! Four of the ten cars you’ve mourned as dead will still be here to drive another day.

Save the Clunkers T-Shirts

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Some of the commenters on a Jalopnik “Cash for Clunkers” thread (C4C) were hoping for “Save the Clunkers” T-Shirts, so I put together a couple of quick images. They would be a 2-color silk screen, one black, one white. If anyone wants to produce these, contact me at boucher002 at yahoo dot com.

UPDATE: I posted a cleaned-up design of the van illustration to sixdollarshirts.com . Vote now!

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The New Avanti Estate Wagon

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avanti_golfI finished rendering my Avanti Wagon and entered it into the Studebaker Design Museum show. I haven’t done much 3D before but Google SketchUp was really simple to use. It didn’t give me everything I wanted though, so I ended doing some vector drawing on top of the model to get it to look right. Not quite as cool as Top Gear’s Porsche Shooting Brake but I’m happy with how it all turned out.

I wrote some marketing copy and created two ads for the 2-door Avanti Estate. The ads were loosely based on these illustrations posted on theavanti.com. I love the rough, vignetted edges on those marker drawings and the colorful rendering given to the backgrounds.

The ads are available as PDF files by clicking the small images, or here and here.

avanti_speedI’m ashamed to confess my previous ignorance of the Avanti’s designer, Raymond Loewy. He was THE industrial designer of the mid-20th century. In addition to designing for Studebaker, he designed buses for Greyhound, logos for Nabisco, Shell and Exxon, and even the iconic bottles that distinguished Coca-Cola from other sodas through the end of the last century. His design for the exterior of Air Force One is still in use today.

While I was working on the renderings I discovered thatAvanti Motors still exists and creates a limited run of new cars out of Mexico and Canada. I don’t think they’re planning a wagon though.

CORRECTION: A reader informed me that Avanti ceased production in 2006. An interesting note from Wikipedia:

Michael Eugene Kelly, owner of Avanti Motors Corporation, was arrested by the FBI on Dec 22, 2006 in Florida. Kelly is suspected of running a $400 million Ponzi scheme from 1992–2004 and is in jail without bail facing mail fraud charges.

Ladies, use a 240 to pickup dudes?

Jalopnik has a Comment of the Day that seems to defy common sense:


This car didn’t stop me from ‘snagging’ a man… Volvo 240 will get you laid faster than any of the cars listed above… I hope it’s useful to Jalops of both genders and all orientations. Go buy an old Volvo.

Your mileage may vary.

10 Things Takes it to Auto Shop

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Tonight is the 5th Episode of “10 Things I Hate About You”, a show where Kat, the main character, drives a pale yellow 244. In this episode, titled “Don’t Give Up”, Kat goes DIY and takes the brick into the shop.

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After blowing major smoke out the tail pipe of her “Chernobyl-mobile”, she decides to switch to bio-diesel to cut her carbon footprint. Using a manual she downloaded off the internet, she jacks up her brick and tinkers around, while enduring harassment from the boys in the shop. Eventually her father helps out, and she ends up with a smooth running french-fry flier.

Looks like the whole episode is available online.

That’s No Clunker? That’s My Tank!

The Truth About Cars ran a sky-is-falling-on-old-bricks post but I think the fear of losing RWD Volvos is misguided. They don’t qualify for the CAT program, as they get average gas mileage.

This video documents the death of an Olds Aurora, which qualified because of the V8 engine. Oil is drained, then a solution of water and silica sand is poured in. The car is turned on and run until the engine seizes. Not for the squeemish.

UPDATE: Prolonged death of a FWD Volvo.

Cash for Clunkers is the new Digital TV Transition

The concept for the government’s “Cash for Clunkers” program was dumb to begin with. Now that it’s actually been implemented it’s turned into a fiasco of confusion, misinformation and waste.

The biggest disaster is the fact that it ran out of money only FOUR DAYS into the four month long program. Original budgeted for $1 billion dollar through November, it now may get another $2 billion dollars to fund the $4500 checks cut to dealers who accept car buyers junk.

I’m surprised it ran out of money considering the misinformation that’s been pumped out by some dealers about the program. Take the funny promotion pictured above by a dealer in Springfield,VA. Since the Fed requires that eligible cars get less than 18mpg average city/highway there’s no way that Toyota Corolla would qualify. I saw a TV commercial last night that showed an econobox POS that the voiceover stated could be turned to gold. Unless the dealer is planning on absorbing the discount when the DOT rejects the rebate application, buyers are being given a bait-and-switch. In addition the EPA adjusted its figures right before the program started, so the mileage listed on the original sticker may not match what the DOT sees as eligible.

Once a car has been accepted, government rules require it be given a lethal injection of sodium silicate to disable and destroy the engine, then be scrapped. See that beautiful black beemer to the left? Scrap metal.

A New Avanti

I’m trying my hand at car design for a contest at the Studebaker National Museum. They have an August 7 deadline for submissions for a Studebaker for the 21st century. My concept is for an Avanti Estate, essentially a shooting brake, with 2 doors and lots of cargo space in the rear. A sport coupe with room for golf bags and groceries. The side-profile above is a start, and I’m going to attempt a 3-D rendering using Google’s Sketch-Up.

The other day I saw a group of 2002 T-Birds cruising the highway and realized how their design could be a model for how smaller cars can be made to appeal to US consumers. Too often Detroit models itself after the Japanese, as evidenced in the new Camry-clone Chevy Malibu, seen at left. I think the Malibu is a handsome car, much better than the previous version, but is it distinctly Chevy?

Eric Felten wrote a recent column in the WSJ about the lack of American style in American cars these days. He writes:

One could argue that there’s a certain advantage to making bland and indistinguishable products when, like GM, you suffer from negative brand equity. And it certain is negative these days: Company executive Troy Clarke recently told the Washington Post about focus groups that had reacted positively to photos of the Chevy Malibu — that is, as long as the Chevy logo was obscured.

The other design route is to model cars off tanks and Humvees, with bulky, grotesque plastic trim, making many Dodge and Jeeps resemble armored bank vehicles. Now I’m waiting for the inevitable Detroit equivalent of the Honda Fit. But why not take a different tact and create something as cool as the T-Bird, add back seats, and sell it as a sleek, efficient American car. A Reliant K for a new generation.

Pimp My Mom’s Ride

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I made this “Ride Pimper” toy for MTV.com back in 2004 for the premiere of “Pimp My Ride”. You can choose from 3 types of cars, then modify with paint and parts. It was popular at the time, but hasn’t aged well if you believe recent comments.

Related: Although this cheeky ad purports to show the damages inflicted to a “Mom” vehicle, the only difference this dad sees with his car is that he wouldn’t be caught dead with a 6-pack of Zima in the trunk.